


we must learn to live with the unimaginable

by justalegacy



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Character Death, Heavy Angst, Historical Inaccuracy, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Post-Duel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 07:14:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11458668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justalegacy/pseuds/justalegacy
Summary: It's quiet.That's what unsettles Aaron the most.~AU where Alexander enters a foolhardy duel and Aaron and George are left to pick up the pieces.





	we must learn to live with the unimaginable

**Author's Note:**

  * For [enbygwash](https://archiveofourown.org/users/enbygwash/gifts).



> Aanhtrang (Tumblr)/Nov_A (AO3) came up with this amazing AU! They are honestly amazing and I am grateful to know them!!

Aaron is sitting in the parlour reading a book when he hears the knock of the door. George was dealing with some business across the city and Alexander… 

Well, Aaron was sure that Alexander was alright. He had mentioned that he had some business in New Jersey and probably wouldn’t be back for a few hours. It had concerned Aaron at first with how vague he had sounded but he trusted him. After all, Alexander had never purposely mislead him.

Aaron sighed as someone knocked on the door again, breaking him out of his reverie. He set the book down on the coffee table before heading towards the door, smoothing his jacket as he did so. 

He swiftly opened the door, mouth opening to ask who it was when he saw the look on the stranger’s face.

“Are you Aaron Burr, sir?”

Aaron nodded shakily before regaining himself. “Who’s asking?” 

The man measured him with his eyes before replying. “It’s about your husband, Alexander Hamilton. He has been shot in a duel.” A pause. “They are unsure if he’ll survive the night much less the hour.”

Aaron staggered against the doorframe as if hit with a physical blow, his face paling. He knew he shouldn’t have let Alexander leave today, shouldn’t have watched him ride a carriage into the distance, shouldn’t have-

So many shouldn’ts and not enough should haves.

“Take me to him,” Aaron whispered. “Take me to my husband.”

~

Aaron barely paused for the carriage to stop before he was jumping out, pushing past the doctor and a guilty looking Pendleton. He came to a stop at a bed where a frail-looking Alexander lay and collapsed to his knees, grasping onto his husband’s hand with tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. “Alexander.”

Alexander took a while to respond, eyes delirious with pain. However when he finally did, he managed enough strength to turn his head towards him, smiling. “My sweet Aaron. Did I- Did I do it right?”

Aaron’s eyes widened. “Alexander, what are you talking about?”

Alexander’s chest heaved as he took another breath. Finally he spoke, “The duel… I- Did I?”

Aaron nodded, leaning up from his knees to press a soothing kiss against the other’s sweaty forehead. “You did so well,” Aaron murmured, barely keeping back tears. He decided to give him the answer that he wanted despite how it tore him apart to do so. “I’m so proud of you. So, so proud.” 

Alexander nodded, hands grasping against Aaron’s jacket. “W-Where’s George?” His voice sounded heartbreakingly confused. He struggled up against Aaron and heartbreakingly called out for the third member of their small family before he collapsed again.

Aaron shushed him. “It’s okay,” Aaron comforted. “He’s just a little late that’s all.”

Alexander seemed to accept that lie and he relaxed in Aaron’s grip. As he did, he waved Pendleton over before whispering to him: “Did you get a messenger for George?”

Pendleton nodded tightly. “He should be here.”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, the door was flung open. George stood in the doorway, shoulders heaving. “Alexander!” George pushed aside Pendleton to grasp at Aaron’s shoulders, shaking him. “What happened?! _Aaron did you know?_ ”

Aaron shook his head. How could he have known? Didn’t George know that he would have stopped him if he did? Then: “George, he’s going to _die._ ”

George reeled back, tears already gathering at his eyes. He looked like he was going to die along with Alexander, as if the pain of losing him would be too much to withstand. Suddenly Alexander grasped at George’s jacket, his bloody fingers smearing the fabric. “ _George!_ ”

George quickly turned his attentions to Alexander, quickly cradling his head in his arms. “Oh, Darling.”

Alexander smiled up at him, teeth stained red. “My dear George.”

“You went to duel,” George whispered. “You knew.”

The man’s smile faded, eyes prickling with tears. Then Alexander spoke again, giving no answer to George’s unspoken question of why he left. “Remember when you taught me the piano.”

An unholy sob tore out of George’s throat at such a happy memory in this time of grief. “Very clearly,” George whispered. “How could I not?”

“Remember how you would stand behind me?” Alexander coughed, shoulders shaking before he resumed. “Y-you would stand behind me and guide me through the keys.”

George nodded, arms curling tighter around Alexander as if that would save him from death. “I know. I remember, my Darling.”

Suddenly Aaron spoke, hands tenderly grasping both George’s and Alexander’s own. A song from happier times floated in the air, a bubble that both George and Aaron hoped wouldn’t be broken. “Un, deux, trois, quarte-”

George seemed to have caught on and his mellow voice blended seamlessly with Aaron’s own. “Cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf.”

Alexander sang along, although his voice broke off every so often from the pain. It was soft and beautiful and it was almost enough to forget that their precious love was dying. "-sept, huit, neuf."

George smiled fondly down at him despite the tears trickling down his face. “Good. Un, deux, trois, quarte-”

_"Un, deux-"_

Alexander’s voice went silent.

George’s voice cracked as he continued the song, the grief already starting to overwhelm him. Aaron beside him was already sobbing, small shoulders shaking. “-cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf.”

George stared off into the distance. “ _Sept, huit. Sept-_ ”

He let out an unholy scream as Alexander’s death finally settled in, grasping and shaking Alexander’s body. He couldn’t hear Aaron screaming at him to stop, couldn’t feel Aaron’s hands scrabbling at his shoulders as George shook Alexander, nearly breaking his already broken body. 

All he could hear, could see was Alexander sitting in front of the piano, voice slightly off-key.

~

_“There are moments when the words don’t reach-”_

Aaron could barely hear the pastor. Instead his eyes were carefully trained on the cross above Alexander’s open coffin. Beside him he could feel George’s warmth although he would have thought George cold by the way his shoulders would shake every so often.

_“-there’s a suffering to powerful to name.”_

He wondered if Alexander could see them. He spitefully hoped he was happy for ruining them and breaking their hearts in such a cruel manner.

_“You hold your loved ones as tight as you can-”_

Aaron hadn’t spoken to George in a week. After Alexander’s death… there seemed like there was no point. George would leave and Aaron would be alone in a house too big for him and two ghosts.

_“-and push away the unimaginable.”_

The unimaginable.

He could live in ignorance. Tell himself that Alexander wasn’t dead. Could look at the clock in their parlour ticking by and say that he was late because of work, not because he was six feet under.

_“There are moments when you’re in so deep-”_

Aaron closed his eyes as if it could block out the pastor any more than it did during the entire sermon. He took a deep breath as if that would help.

_“I know it feels easier to just swim down-”_

He didn’t want to hear this, didn’t want to see this, didn’t-

George grasped his hand and spoke:

“It’s quiet.”

Everything else stopped. 

Aaron slowly grasped his hand back. 

“I know,” he whispered.

_“But we must learn to live with the unimaginable.”_


End file.
